I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
