my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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