Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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