You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
