oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
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I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
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I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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