so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
