It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
