and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize