Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
