drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
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I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
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Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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