I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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