but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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