God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
