There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
