so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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