She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
