you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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