It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My ass is underappreciated
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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