Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
