Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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