last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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