I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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