I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
