I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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