just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
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We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
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THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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