3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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