I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
