just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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