I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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