Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
