I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
