My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
