His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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