based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
