IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
