his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
