His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
