Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
