dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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