Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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