she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
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