I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
