I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
