You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
