So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
