just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
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