My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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