Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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