i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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