new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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