Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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