Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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