we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
