After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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