I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
