I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
