i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
