She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
