just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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