I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
