I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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