The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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