it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
