oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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