3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
