the new term for farting is butt boxing.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
pop tarts are not kleenex
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
