i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
