You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
