Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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