How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
